“Well, it was nice meeting you!”
Seriously…again?! Why does every interaction with a girl end with a platonic goodbye?
Does it ever feel like every girl you talk to just wants to be your friend? Or maybe she finds ways to politely excuse herself from the conversation?
Then you see your friend who is naturally good with women, and it seems like he knows exactly how to make a girl want to have sex with him…
Guys ask me regularly how to make a girl horny…
The key is to not give everything away right away. Instead of killing the moment by being too direct with your words, be direct with your actions and subtle with your words instead.
Show, don’t tell.
Here are some specific ways you can arouse a girl:
- Be emotionally engaging
- Have a physical presence
- Know when to take the pressure off
Be emotionally engaging
Most guys are flat.
They don’t allow themselves to let loose, have fun, or be engaged when you’re talking to them.
This mostly comes from ego. Guys are afraid to risk tarnishing their image and making a fool of themselves, so they maintain a stern disposition in order to save face in social situations.
Girls, on the other hand, tend to have an easier time accessing the fun part of their personality. They don’t have the same expectation to be the strong, masculine, protective figure who is unreactive and shows little expression.
As a guy, if you are able to communicate in a way where you are free from feeling the need to maintain a certain image, you’ll become automatically more charismatic and engaging.
Consequently, she will experience a wider range of emotions because you are able to access that loose, less cognitive, and more present side of yourself.
And more emotional stimulation leads to more arousal. This is why make-up sex is so passionate.
Also, imagine watching a movie where all of the characters interact politely for 2 hours and there is no tension or conflict in the plotline whatsoever. Would you find that film stimulating or engaging?
So how do you actually go about being more emotionally engaging?
One signal that you’re comfortable with loosening the grip on your ego and not caring so much about your image is teasing.
Think about it. People who tease are risking making the other person mad. But they’re doing it for the sake of having fun.
When animals play, it looks like they’re fighting. And humans are social creatures. Thus, teasing is the human version of play.
However, if you force your teasing for the sake of trying to make it seem like you’re a fun and/or emotionally provocative guy, then people will find it off-putting and insulting.
There’s a difference between a playful tease and a button-pushing tease.
And you can feel the difference in the energy.
If you tease, and it genuinely makes you laugh regardless of the other person’s reaction, then it’s playful. However, if you get frustrated when you don’t get the expected reaction, then it’s button-pushing.
The best way to cultivate the playfulness is to learn how to tease when there are no outcomes at stake. What I mean is, if you’re trying to talk to girls in a nightclub, start by talking to couples or girls who are clearly unavailable.
And the point isn’t to try to steal the girl away.
If you can have fun with a girl who you know you can’t hookup with, then you have the ability to generate the good emotions and playful energy within yourself. Oftentimes, when the outcome is unavailable, you start to bring your true personality out because you’re not just wanting sex or a number.
And this is how you become authentic.
Have a physical presence
If you ask guys how to turn a girl on, the most obvious first answer is “touch her.” Most guys think that by being more physically aggressive with a girl, they will turn her on more.
There are so many guys in a nightclub who manhandle a girl in the hopes that she will be so aroused that she will want to take him home immediately.
In some situations, this does work, but typically only when she is drunk or already emotionally stimulated.
Arousal actually comes from the anticipation of physicality, not just the physicality itself.
If you’re comfortable with touching her or being close to her without being too nervous about it or overthinking it, then she’ll feel more comfortable around you.
It feels weird and creepy when you strategize different moves in order to get her “turned on.”
Instead, relax, have a good time, and don’t feel bad or ashamed when you touch her.
If you do feel ashamed, then explore where that anxiety is coming from.
Maybe you grew up in an overly conservative or religious household? Or maybe you had a traumatizing experience of getting rejected or chastised when you were younger…
Once you’re able to release from that anxiety, then touching will feel more natural for both you and her.
Know when to take the pressure off
A final factor to consider that most guys neglect is to take the pressure off when appropriate.
A lot of guys, especially in the nightclub, lay it on too thick.
If you’re constantly pushing your agenda of hooking up the whole time, she will begin to lose interest because you’ve killed any possibility for mystery or intrigue. If she clearly knows that you want to hook up with her or impress her, then she won’t feel any desire to pursue you.
Consequently, if you keep making out with her in the club or touching her excessively, she won’t feel the need to continue talking to you or to ever see you again when the night ends.
As a general rule, if you’ve already kissed her or touched her in a certain way, refrain from doing that until you’re in the bedroom. Making out excessively in the club is tacky anyway.
Most guys tend to show all of their intent up front. If you show all of your intent immediately, then you’ve killed the tension and fun of it, she knows she has you, and she’ll quickly lose interest.
Once you’ve taken her home, you shouldn’t be the one constantly pushing for sex. If she’s not craving your touch by the end of the night, then you were most likely too aggressive or obvious with your intent.
So, don’t make the mistake of trying to touch her more or trying to constantly talk sexually while in the nightclub. Instead, remember to be emotionally engaging, tease, have a physical presence, and know when to take the pressure off. Then she’ll be craving you by the end of the night.