Everyone develops a crush on another person at some point in their life, so you’re bound to have sex cross your mind.
So if you are wondering how to get someone to have sex with you, then you’re not alone.
In my endeavor to improve my dating and sex life (I was a virgin until the age of 23), I moved to Las Vegas and went out to nightclubs every night of the week to talk to women.
Vegas offered an incredible diversity of people from across the world from which I was able to better understand the social and behavioral dynamics of talking to strangers.
In particular, I would take notes on what sorts of topics and behaviors intrigued different types of girls, and I would reflect on the fundamental question of how to get girls to have sex with you.
I came up with a systematic way of thinking about attraction. Through studying social interaction, I attempted to generalize the patterns that I observed into a system that could be replicable across the majority of the population.
Basically I came up for a formula for getting laid.
EM + L = Sex
This is a simple formula for how to get a girl to sleep with you.
EM stands for emotional stimulation. A woman can only be aroused if you connect with her on some emotional level.
L stands for logistics. If a woman is emotionally stimulated, even if by someone other than you, all it takes is being alone in a room with her to have sex.
Some guys ask me if I can teach them how to make a girl have sex with them. The truth is that I can’t. You can’t make a girl have sex with you. However, if she becomes aroused and the circumstances are conducive for sex, then nature will take its course.
How to Stimulate a Woman Emotionally
When you ask a girl what she looks for in a guy, she will often reply, “a sense of humor.” This is because laughter is a natural response to being emotionally stimulated.
Different women have different preferences for emotional stimulation.
Some women, especially those from the Latin culture, prefer relationships full of drama, tension, and teasing.
Other women, like those from East Asian cultures, prefer less drama and more stability and comfort.
Ultimately, women are most attracted to guys who match her emotional preferences.
A guy who is able to let loose and talk in a way that is unstifled, genuine, and unfiltered will be attractive for a woman. This kind of guy is able to have fun yet is unafraid to talk passionately about certain topics that might be abrasive and confrontational. He’s not a leaf in the wind.
He has a strong reality but also carries an overall positive vibe.
When you and a girl like each other and want some private time together, usually one of three situations will transpire.
- You lead her. Just like in the story above, if you get along with her, you will often find yourself going off on an adventure with her. If you’re in a bar or club, she’ll want to go with you to the dancefloor, to the bar, to another venue, and so on.Focus on enjoying the experience. As soon as you get too far ahead of yourself and try to push your agenda of hooking up onto her without her being ready, then she’ll start to feel you disengaging from the moment and becoming desperate and pushy for the outcome.
If you let go of constantly needing to push towards the destination and enjoy the journey, then she’ll naturally want to go with you to a more private place where intimacy can develop.
However, make sure that you create the opportunity for things to develop.
For example, if a girl likes you and you’re in at a nightclub with her friends, then you have to be the one to take initiative to create that private, intimate time with her. Let the friends know that you’re going to take her to the dance floor.
Lead it forward, and give her the opportunity to either go with you or say “no.”
It’s frustrating for a girl when she likes you, but you never make a move.
Let go of your ego and put yourself out there. Make the move and give her that opportunity.
- You and her are the last ones at the party. If you continue to engage her in conversation, then she will not mind talking to you for hours on end. Your friends and her friends both see that you’re enjoying each other’s company and they will leave you alone.
- You take her contact info and meet up later. Sometimes she’ll have to go with her friends or you have somewhere to be. In this case, feel free to take her contact information, whether that’s Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, or a good old-fashioned phone number.I often like to exchange Snapchats because we can view each other’s stories, which will enrich your understanding of her life and personality and vice versa (i.e. she can see how cool of a person you are).
Often when you take her contact information with the intention of meeting up later, she will want to meet up with you in a more intimate situation. Even if she’s not ready for that yet, you can meet up in a more social setting and continue to get to know each other from there.
Add these together and…
You will have sex. It’s that simple.
Just have a good time around her. Don’t try too hard to be overly funny or witty or aggressive around her. Your aim should be to be as relaxed and as carefree as possible.
Usually anxiety around women comes from trying to get them to like you. It’s performance anxiety. You feel like you’ve failed if a woman doesn’t like you.
That’s not the case. Not every woman is going to be right for you. The best you can do is project your personality as purely as possible by realizing that people’s opinions of you are ephemeral, and not getting along with someone is not the end of the world.
Once you get along with a girl, just spend as much time with her as possible, and take one of the preceding courses of action (i.e. leading, waiting, or taking her contact info).
Do Looks Matter?
A lot of guys object and say that this strategy only works for guys who are good-looking. That’s not true at all. I know guys who look completely ordinary or even less than ordinary, and, because they are fun to hang around and are charismatic, they get laid regularly.
I remember I used to have the self-defeating belief that girls aren’t attracted to me because I’m Asian. I would wonder to myself, “do white girls like Asian guys?” I used to think the answer was “no.”
When living in Vegas, I ended up hooking up with girls from a variety of different backgrounds. I now realize how absurd my mindset was. In the next article, I discuss the issue of race and attraction more fully.
So, at the end of the day, there is no need to overcomplicate things. Just remember to continue to have fun with girls when you’re out. Once you stop enjoying yourself, you become unattractive. Just enjoy yourself, put yourself out there and make a move, and it will happen for you.